I decided to become abstinent a little under 2 years ago.
Although it gets challenging at times, it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Just putting it out there, I’m not telling you what to do with your body.
I’m just sharing my story and what I’ve chose to do with mine.
So let’s jump right in!
What is abstinence, exactly?
Before I talk about my why, I want to clarify what abstinence is because it’s often confused with celibacy.
Abstinence- not engaging in sexual activity for any reason.
Period.
For me that looked like:
No sex of any kind.
No foreplay.
No masturbation.
No pornograpy.
Celibacy is a bit more complex.
Celibacy- not engaging in sexual activity or marriage, usually for religious reasons. (for ex: nuns)
Why DID I OPT OUT?
Several reasons, but I’ll state the main ones.
1. I didn’t want to get pregnant.
The past 4 generations of women in my family had a kid at the age I was when I started my journey–22.
I didn’t want to repeat that.
I wanted to experience life without kids in my early 20s.
And that meant, I needed to lower the chances of that happening as much as possible.
2. I didn’t like feeling guilty.
When I started to realize that what I valued wasn’t aligning with my actions, I was definitely convicted.
And I hated that feeling.
Sex comes with a lot more than the act itself.
Especially, if you aren’t married or in a committed relationship.
Sneaking around, lying, and playing pretend, for honorable mention, are things you’ll probably run into.
So when I faced the reality of my situation, I realized I didn’t have to keep living that way if I just stopped.
So I did.
3. I wasn’t married.
I planned to save myself for marriage and it didn’t work out.
Not only did I not want to get pregnant, I didn’t want to get pregnant without a husband.
I wanted commitment more than my partners and I just knew the situationships I was in would only go so far.
So with all of that combined, I decided this was the best thing for me spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
I decided to trust God more than I trusted anything else, live a life of purity, and honor myself.
What HAVE I Gained?
1. Self control.
Making the decision to abstain is the easy part. Committing is more complex.
There are times when I just want to not care about my values, and do whatever I want, but I know it will come at a cost I can’t afford to pay.
Everyday, I have to keep choosing what’s best for me regardless of what I may feel in that moment.
And because feelings come and go, my logic has to be stronger than my emotions.
2. Self respect.
I wish I could go back and just shake the old me because I didn’t undertand the value I held.
But since choosing this lifestyle, I’ve learned the weight I carry.
So I have to protect me at all costs.
I put myself on a high pedestal, because if I don’t, I risk shattering the structure that I’ve worked so hard to build.
Plus, if I want to be respected, I have to be the one to exemplify that. First.
3. Self love.
Once I gained self control and self respect, self love soon followed.
For the past 2 years the only person I’ve seriously dated has been me.
I’ve taken this time to get to know myself, figure out what I like, and dream about the life I want to live.
I take all of that into account and place it above everything.
Despite how hard it is to forgive myself.
Despite who walks in ny path.
Despite what the world says.
I choose me, every time.
Tips!
If you’re on this journey with me or if you’re considering becoming abstinent, here are some tips I’ve found to be extremely helpful.
1. Be mindful.
Of what you watch, listen, and expose yourself to.
Steamy scenes, lyrics, and certain environments can bring out the slightest emotions without you even noticing.
2. Put your time, energy, and emotions elsewhere.
Start a new hobby, exercise, or hang out with loved ones.
It might even be worthwhile to get an accountability partner, to know someone has your back.
3. Avoid traps.
Don’t put yourself in situations that are hard to get out of.
Because when it starts to get steamy, it’s already too late. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
4. Avoid prolonging your healing.
If you don’t like how you’re living, you have the power to change it at any time.
Why endure something, you don’t even have to?
That’s my abstinence journey so far!
This has been a really rewarding experience, and I’m not sure how long it will last, but I’m looking forward to seeing how this journey unfolds.
Save these tips for later!
Share in the comments if you have ever been or if you’re currently abstinent. If so, share some tips that’s helped you along your journey for me and others!
WOW‼️ This Post of transparency is/can be Freeing. All the feelings exposed are definitely REAL. Whereas I was married by your present age. It was two years after marriage my first child was born. Married a virgin and Never had a boyfriend nor experienced any kind of intimacy at all. Never a hand held by the opposite sex; Never “known” a man. Today, knowing this was the best gift 🎁 I could have given myself completely unaware to me.
All of two yrs this marriage was over 😔
Starting over again: Tough, tough tough
The journey into my second marriage brought me into where you are walking today.
•It Cost Me Greatly
• Strong Will Determination
• Avoiding all Temptation
[ guarding my ear gates; eye gates; my conversations]
• Filling my Time with other Strong Committed Believers in Jesus Christ constantly infused me with courage’s, strength and power to continue
• College snd Studying my Reference Bible helped
• Attended Christian Conferences and Christian Holy Spirit Filled Meetings and Retreats removed all Norms and elevated my emotions to higher levels of thinking 🤔 and doing.
• Changed the radio channels to what kept me on course.
• The gentleman of interest at this time was on this journey with me and Fully Understood and Respected my Quest. We prepared for marriage and our wedding date for a Space of one year Together! Oh Happy Day!
Gifts and Surprises beyond my imagination🧎♀️
Thanks for Sharing ❤️ Selah
GOD DID IT
TO GOD ALONE‼️
ALL GLORY; ALL HOMOR TO GOD- WHO KEPT ME I MUST ADMIT… I WAS AFRAID… GOD KNEW THAT TOO🥲
[please forgive my grammatical errors- my prayer is… there are few🙏
I absolutely love this!! I wish I could go back to shake the younger me in my 20’s but God!!
BUT GOD!!! 🙌🏽
Remember:
“GOD IS A KEEPER…IF YOU WANT TO BE KEPT”. Rely upon HIM / NEVER UPON YOUR OWN STRENGTH.
Honored to hear 👂 your
“Discovery and LOVING YOU. Being okay with you as you are will / can bring greater peace, acceptance confidence before marriage.